Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

love potion

Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

The fantasy awaits, as I dream of my place

The night I come home to rose peddles at the gate

I open the front door and smell the rose oil

as the room is so warm from candles lights down the hall

I follow the trail, that leads to a room

I open the door as rose peddles cover the floor

I see the deep white bath with red ever so beautiful and dark

the smell is so romantic and hit me in my heart

I am blessed to have some romantic rack who really is smart

no, he will treat me like a princess behind closed doors

but when he is out I am Mrs Clause

I slip my clothes off and enter the bath

and on the side with my favourite part

a glass of Bailey’s as I sip do us apart

give me some romance with a mans behind

and I will sit and what and feel divine

loving this manifesting and being apart

I will soon create the man I want

 

 

 

 

Today is about the unknown

follow your gut

Today is about the unknown

changing the cycles as I have flown

to not get court up in the past

the past things that have not last

I am going out on a limb and

trying things that I would not have been

I am looking and how it makes me feel

instead of how it looks

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/i-like-and-that-is-the-naughty-me/

 today is about

so I am going with my gut and not thinking too much

as my head always takes over but

this time of going with the gut

who knows where it might lead me

as there is a lot of positives

I feel more than I see

and I am going to let this be

be what it may and enjoy the day

I will jump in with eyes closed and go with what my gut knows

I am in a situation so unfamiliar

but at the same time, I can feel it

all nervous and not knowing what’s going on

but hey let’s play along

who knows what it may lead too

I have nothing to lose.

Missing the affection you gain from someone

Missing the affection you gain from someone being present

missing a partners affectionI am feeling strong but affection is a must

it is the one thing I lust

to have you hold me tight at night

to pull me ever so tight

I am missing the spooning at night

as I fight to be strong and bright

to shine for myself as I follow the light

please god give me strength each night

I must admit I am not doing too bad

but it hasn’t been long to feel sad

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/self-talk

I long for the right, not the wrong and the bad

so let’s say I have been strong

but I feel a rush that is coming on

I am going with what is good for me

but yet I am not so good you see

well not yet lol

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/emotions-have-a-purpose-even-when-they-are-unwanted/

Sexual Abuse

The pain has surfaced again.

 

Just when you think you have dealt with your past, something happens and turns it all upside down.

Thinking I had faced and worked on my child abuse but yet here I am again. This time it is stronger and I am angry.

But before I accepted and thought it was my fault for leading these abuses on as a 10-year-old does.

I am feeling sick and am shocked.

Want to reach out but feeling like no one is there to listen to me. Well, tell a lie I have someone very close to me and supporting me and I am very lucky. As they have pushed me to go get some professional help.

 I did get help when I was in my 20s but this needs to be dealt with again.

Yes, there is a  history as we all know of breaking up in my relationships and getting back together.

This will be written  like I am sending him a letter as it might sound better, no names I will call him Fred

Fred what happened the other morning was so wrong and it has stirred up a lot of things I thought I had dealt with. I am now suffering and in pain as I try to find a way to make this go away.

I have now reached the point of anger but still, finding it hard to release. As anger scares me. I am not wanted to lash out at you but I need to set myself free and talk about it.

This is how it went down for me.

knowing I am a very sexual girl but sometimes I just don’t feel like it and I say no. Fred did not see or hear my NO so he persisted.

It was early in the morning about 5 am; Fred had to get up and go to work. As always my Fred is horny in the morning and that’s ok. I don’t mind if he lies beside me and looks after himself I like listening to his noises. It makes me smile.

This morning he approached me and I said no don’t wake me I want to sleep. So Fred stars to try and get me involved by playing with my anal area with his finger as he plays with himself with the others hand. I said stop I don’t want to be woken let me sleep, don’t wake me.

  I pushed his had away, thinking he would roll over and attended to himself as he has done on other occasions. But now he persisted. I was on my side facing the wall and he was behind me.

So then he pulls my singlet up and starts rubbing his erect cock on my back, doing the pelvic thrust. Then my body went into shut down and it was all too familiar.

One of my sexual abuses lets call him James, use to sneak into my bedroom when I was about 10 years old. I was asleep but soon woke to James sliding into, my bed.

Yes, I was facing to wall and James came in from behind as he pushed his body against me. James rubbed himself on me and then He spat on his hand and slides his hand and fingers between my thighs, making sure my vagina was wet and slippery. James would play for while fingering me and making my pussy all slippery and wet. Then James would slide his hard cock in-between my legs, sliding back and forwards. Thrusting and grinding and breathing on my neck with pleasurable moaning sounds.

 I did not know what to do as he held my body tight to his as his cock slipped in and out of my vagina, not penetrating.  I body just shut down and was numb as I had to listen to his noises and feeling his heavy breathing on my neck as he was getting himself hard and pleasing himself.

Then he would leave and I would be numb and not being able to move or say anything and wet between my legs. I just wanted to scream and go wash. Feeling dirty and like I did something wrong.  My friend calls it rape; it is hard to think of it this way. But yes I was raped. Angry!

I want to share this with Fred but I feel it might break him and that’s not what I want to do. But I also want people to know that a small action you think is harmless can kill another person. like it has me.

I am now struggling and hope I can get through this, as it hurts and I still have not let go of it. Please see the signs and use your word and actions to stop what does not feeling good for you.

no is no and make sure you take control of your rights.

Self awareness

 

self-awareness

sitting in your own space

This is about pausing and clearing the mind

taking the time to self reflect

The day has come where I sit alone

I have deleted all that does not serve my future

I have reached a point where I need to be alone

Being alone is not my best side as I feel I always need that distraction in life.

But now I am trying and fighting to need for old to play and new to feed

We all struggle with life’s difficulty’s

How do you manage?

I do lots of pausing before reacting

And some times that work and some times I react

if I put me to good and do the things that need doing

I put my self in the right place of acting and not reacting

Take time out for me

But there is always that time when you are alone and your mind wants to explore the old and not the new

Dame that’s hard lol

Enjoy your day and stay true to yourself we are all human and make good and bad choices

https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/bglk5a/image_hold_on_because_you_are_struggling_does_not/

Love 💗 self awarness