My heart has finally opened

My heart has finally opened

Tonight I don’t speak

I just cry my self to sleep

as my heart has opened

and his heart is broken

I must keep it asleep

or he will run and I want to be able to keep

so I will sit quietly and

watch it unfold

my turn to be the one

of support in their darkness.

Being a single mum is frustration just about sums it up

Frustration just about sums it up

I am a single mum as you may know and have no idea how to make things a boy wants to make.

My son is always looking on youtube on how to make things. It always involved buying the thing and using wood trills and stuff I have no idea on how to use.

This is the time I wish there was a man in my life to help my little man learn and grow to be able to make and build the stuff together.

I hate saying no and it kills me inside and it is hard to explain to an ADHD and spectrum autism child why I don’t want to try and make it, as I know what is in front of us and the emotional roller coaster we are in for.

Which I know will not work because they don’t give you measurements and then my boy has a mental breakdown and feels he has failed in making something because it did not work.

The emotions that come through are so unbearable. I start to feel like a failure too, not letting him have the experience and letting his imagination go wild.

I am always encouraging him but I hate it when I know it will be a failure and then I have to pick up the pieces and put him back together.

Telling him he is amazing and can do anything.

I wish I could hire a hubby to teach him how to do men stuff and work with tools because the biggest tool we have is a big screwdriver.

So I am trying to think outside the box and redirect him back to lego and that’s not working. my head is pounding my gut is turning and am praying it will all go away.

besides buying all these tools, like a drill and spending money. it kills me that it doesn’t work out.

so trying to redirect him and saying no to this, I am getting yelled at and sworn at and am the worst mother in the world.

life can be hard sometimes and you just feel like they are taking this on alone. which I am.

I am and have been doing this all alone and just feel weak and like disappearing and hiding. but there is nowhere to hide but to stay and face it and best.

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/fear-of-acceptin…ild-is-different/

The power of listening to your inner voice

The Power of listening to your inner voice

This is somewhat miss understood. we forget to listen and go about our days with the same habits that got us into this state.

inner voiceI am morning and in pain of the cycle, I keep regaining. Looking for affection in all the wrong places and yet I have gained so much insight into who I am facing. The pain the gain how to refrain. I slip and then I fall and then I catch my self as I call and pick me up again.

when I am out of my comfort zone I fall and when I am in control I raw.

but to be unsure and not so pure

is part of the learning we all feel a part of.

So I call on my inner voice to guide me the way

even if it is foggy today

I will see a light as I meditate it away

faraway I will let this past fade away

I look to the light and dream of the best and forget of all the rest

please inner strength gives me the right path

I will listen and be with one

I am doing inner work and letting it flow

but I still have a little way to go.

so here I am doing my inner work and releasing the stuff that does not work

Please let me regain the strength I need

as I do not need to revisit the pain

I am doing so well and then I fell

but I will also keep moving forwards

to the light, I have visioned oh so well

they say two steps forward and one back

well that is me one step back but I know where I am at

yay to life and its many changes

that’s how we learn of our many gaining changes.

Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

love potion

Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

The fantasy awaits, as I dream of my place

The night I come home to rose peddles at the gate

I open the front door and smell the rose oil

as the room is so warm from candles lights down the hall

I follow the trail, that leads to a room

I open the door as rose peddles cover the floor

I see the deep white bath with red ever so beautiful and dark

the smell is so romantic and hit me in my heart

I am blessed to have some romantic rack who really is smart

no, he will treat me like a princess behind closed doors

but when he is out I am Mrs Clause

I slip my clothes off and enter the bath

and on the side with my favourite part

a glass of Bailey’s as I sip do us apart

give me some romance with a mans behind

and I will sit and what and feel divine

loving this manifesting and being apart

I will soon create the man I want

 

 

 

 

Today is about the unknown

follow your gut

Today is about the unknown

changing the cycles as I have flown

to not get court up in the past

the past things that have not last

I am going out on a limb and

trying things that I would not have been

I am looking and how it makes me feel

instead of how it looks

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/i-like-and-that-is-the-naughty-me/

 today is about

so I am going with my gut and not thinking too much

as my head always takes over but

this time of going with the gut

who knows where it might lead me

as there is a lot of positives

I feel more than I see

and I am going to let this be

be what it may and enjoy the day

I will jump in with eyes closed and go with what my gut knows

I am in a situation so unfamiliar

but at the same time, I can feel it

all nervous and not knowing what’s going on

but hey let’s play along

who knows what it may lead too

I have nothing to lose.