Poem and Words

Behind closed doors no one knows

The painful happening that goes on

The smile we walk around with always bright

We find the pain ever so dark

Like for me a lost little girl

Alone and nothing to feel, always shutting down the body control

As I grow with in myself this blog is helping me let go of past life

I hope you find your way to grow and let go of all that is grey.

 

The Past Abuse

Wow, where to begin. As I am trying to think of which bad experience to right about, my neck starts to tighten and my throat feels like someone is choking me, my mouth is filling with saliva not knowing what to say, so I am going to start with what came up when I was self coaching myself the other day.

I use to get called dumb and stupid a lot, this was when I was around 12 years old (well I remember it always happening) by my step brother and then I married into that, how does that work? the fears and disbeliefs we go through as a child we carry that into our adult hood, unless we learn to stand up and believe in our selves,  we will still keep attracting it.

Continue reading “The Past Abuse”

Story Time of a snail falling in love

These are story’s shared between me and my magic man and this is our beginning

There once was a snail who didn’t know what happy was so he packed his bag and left home in search of happy. When he left, the weather turned bad and he struggled to move forward but he tried and tried until the weather got a little better. Along the way he met a few bugs who helped him on his way, but he also met a few who didn’t , who tricked him. They said they knew where happy was so he followed them for a while but they lied, they lead him into the dark woods where he couldn’t find his way for a long time.

Continue reading “Story Time of a snail falling in love”

Dear Diary, Seperation

OMG it has been a roller coaster, emotional weekend, which should have been a magic one. Let me set the scene for you. My ex has been away in Thailand living a different life, away from his child and decides to come back and start looking after his boy again, which is great for my boys heart but I think for him, personally maybe not. So I drop him off and head off to my mans house to spend some time alone together, not thinking anything but and then my emotions take over without realising and I shut down like I used to with the ex, not fucking good, I hate this feeling of not feeling. I did not realise until later that I had shut down, feeling sick about my boy, is he ok?

Continue reading “Dear Diary, Seperation”

The Dirty House

Yes this is the house I grew up in, the high school days. My sister nick named it the “dirty house” which I never could see it as dirty only a poor house. The house was just off a busy main road slightly lower than the road, on a hill. It was a normal looking house front, door in the middle, with windows either side of the door, the kind of one you see in kids stories. A little garden at the front. Off to the left as you stand facing the front door was a big tree and a concrete hill under the tree, this is an important spot my foster mum and we used to sit at night until dad, who would be drunk, stopped abusing my foster mum and he  fell asleep.

Continue reading “The Dirty House”