My 4 lonely fears

My 4 lonely fears

This is the time, the time of the day I feel lonely and lost that time of the day about 4pm in the afternoon.

My child is home he demands all of my attention and I cannot think and I feel like I lose myself. He has to be right near me wanting me to watch TV all afternoon.

Watching TV annoys me it feels like a waste of time and life. I think this comes from a couple of places, when I was young my parents use to make us watch the news and my ex use to just waste his weekends watching TV or eating. I feel locked into a life I am not choosing myself, which I have noticed hating being trapped into things I don’t feel like doing.

This is when I text and call out for attention but not going to this time just going try to work out what else I can do to distract myself. Hey this is it at the moment vino and writing, still feel like I am texting just don’t get a response.

Must hold it together not text the wrong people or the ones I have pushed away must do this myself. I am just looking for that void to fill that hole, that must be done within myself. Continue reading “My 4 lonely fears”

Five Additions of mine

I am forcing myself to a self-journey which is very unfamiliar to me.

I have always needed someone near me to guide me and make me feel safe and loved. I Have a lot of additions and demons to fight. Now is a time for me to separate and be aware of my habits, by doing this I have had to push some of my friends away that have been close to me so I can see clearly without distraction and feelings of being comfortable and stuck. They say until you’re happy in your skin you will not be happy with anyone else. This is going to be scary, lonely and challenging. But the cycles must stop. Continue reading “Five Additions of mine”

My five thoughts to Success

I am back.  think one of the blog rules is to blog regularly.  Guessing that’s my life I start things get exciting, and then something happens, and you get bored, side-tracked or just fall in a hole.” Yep, which way is up “.

I had all of the above, now what happened.  having to pull away from stuff to sit and find what I want in life, hey guess what still don’t know, but I am slowly trying to break old habits and be creative and work on my strengths, which are fairness, kindness, bravery and spirit.

Well at the moment I am living only half of them.  having lost my courage and spirit.
I FEEL I NEED TO FIND STRENGTH Continue reading “My five thoughts to Success”