THE PAIN OF THE ABUSE GIVEN FROM YOUR OWN CHILD.
The pain of abuse given from your child is sickening and hard to keep it together. as a parent we like to think we are doing the right thing, but some times we have created a bad thing. Trying to change what he is use to getting away with is the hardest times I have faced.
I used to cave and give into his continuing to ask for some thing as it easier than conflicting. I have created this and now I am not caving in and am sticking to my word I am getting the biggest abuse from him. he is swearing at me, throwing things at me and breaking things around him. I feel I am in danger and don’t feel safe around my own child.
This also brings up a lot of memories of 20 years of marriage, being abused and me shutting down to protect myself and feel nothing. to not have feelings again scares me, I like to feel happy and love and don’t want to shut that out but all I feel is hate towards abuse. my thought is noted and my gut is sick and I walk around with that plastic smile again.
My safe place is lying in bed after he is asleep, know there are no more words to hurt me. This also brings up child hood dads abuse against my step mum. She was verbally abused and thing thrown at her head and guns getting pointed at us to get out of the house at night (cold frosty nights ) I would sit there with her bring us warm cups of tea, we would hold them tight to keep our hands from freezing. We waited until he fell asleep at about 2am then sneaked into bed quietly. I had a short sleep as I had to get up for school the next day most of the time.
This is my child I cannot hate him, I would not hurt him and I would not leave him, but to sit back and take the abuse again not know what to do as nothing I say or do is working and it is eating me up inside.
Every time I eat I feel sick get pains in my stomach and as for crying I am a mum and must hold that in. we as mum need to be strong and feel strong to make sure we are there when they need us.
I am a single mum and here are some more stories
I am also a life coach and try to help myself and others in seeing the positive ahead of us.
We hold on because it is familiar and that’s what we know until we learn and regain new knowledge. Whom it is does not matter but how it does matter.
Holding Onto feelings
This is about my last relationship, the one I was holding onto hoping my life would be magic and all I wanted it to be. But yes for reasons I feel what happened is different to the reason he thinks what happens.
So the ending is not good for both but life chooses this path for both. Maybe we still have somethings to learn about our selves that we could only do apart. That makes sense to me.
Anger is something I try not to hold or take with me, but this time I am finding it hard to let go and send off with love. I guess the truth of the unknown is what eats me. What makes me angry in what could of been. Accepting what is must be achieved to be able to live in what is now.
Now I am noticing a pattern just it is in a different format now. I used to go on dating sites on line to stimulate my guessing of life now mmm thinking I am stalking him for answers and closer only doing damage to both, not healthy.
Now I am noticing what is happening and what I am doing, time to change it for the better in both channels and find true happiness.
Understand our reasons for being here on earth
yes, this is a big question many people ask. when things go wrong and we are forced to redirect our lives, this has happened for a reason. Being so court up and rushing through our day-to-day lives, we forget to stop and pause and look and see why. The outlook is not always clear but it can be if you take the bad out and look at the positive.
My example I will just paint you a picture. I have just moved to a small country town in Queensland and I am starting again with my business, I get offered a small job doing something completely different which is in my heart and love. Great for me and I am putting time and effort into it, not getting paid much and I start forgetting about my business which needs my focus. Anyway, time goes my hours get shortened and then it stops, they no longer need me.
Yes, I get angry, I start blaming and it just makes me feel shit like a failure in life. Having something you love and are good at being taken away from me. but this only last a day or two, then it is time to look at this picture from the other window. So I pause to take a step back and try to understand why this has happened.
This has happened to me, as now I can focus in on my business make some good money to support my family and it was the best ever experience I could have asked for. Plus having some exposed around the small town always helps with your business too. Now I am thankful for this experience and am feeling great to put my energy into my business and am looking forward to more fantastic journeys of learning.