My question is why do we confuse and question our self, by doing this we only put our self though pain and no sleep. I guess it is a process if we learn from it good. Yes I have done it again pushed the man who only stands by me when I am a mess.
Let me paint the picture for you. you may not like my thoughts as they hurt loved ones for my miss understanding of myself. As I fall to pieces so does my love, but this has helped both of us well more so him as I see he has cleared himself and has light around him now not darkness. They say things happen for a reason, I guess they do.This man always has sat with me through every emotion I have had, from happy to sad to a mess. He does not judge me and also sees through the happy that I am truly not. I don’t know why I push him away; maybe I am just confused not knowing what this is. I think it has been said before, maybe I should listen to myself. This time I wanted time to myself alone to find myself well that did not last long, well it did last three weeks. During this time I have been trying to give up bad habits. That’s drinking, on-line dating and going back when I needed him. Trying to feel strength has been hard. Yes during this time I have learnt yes there is no one like this man and I need strength in my work to make me feel strong. I have lost me, in not working and having direction in life, which has always been a strength in my life of reaching goals to complete life. Now I am getting a direction in work independence and feeling good within myself. I know I cannot be alone and need work to keep me strong. I also love that my magic man he has been working on himself too in this break and his presence is lighter now. We both have moved a little forward on ourselves and this is great. I am still scared to commit as this maybe a waste of energy thinking of may be being rejected. This time I want to take it slow and feel what love is meant to be and feel a life time of commitment that is easy to fall into, Seeing our future together. My aim is not to be scared of the past feelings and let myself go , and whatever happens will be, good or bad. So I guess once I feel safe working and not dependant of others I will be free to let go in other directions.
this time I thought I could do it , live without you mmmm, I was wrong but this time I have had a chance to search for my feelings with in myself and doing this I see you have too have changed. Hear we go again, hoping I get it right this time.
Well the tables turned as quick as that. I spoke the truth which is his wish and now he says goodbye. I felt sad but then I knew it was right, we both have gain a lot from each other and now it is time to heal and move away from each other. He has grown is the three weeks apart and inspired me once again. The darkness has gone for both, the light is waiting. I thank him as it was magic but clearly this is the way it is meant to be.