Changes that affecting our life.

Changes that affecting our life.

A need to find you and your wants. Things can get taken away from you as quick as you can dream them. The biggest change of my life has happened over the last three months. My dreams swept away, taken just as quick as I was imagining them. Now I am rebuilding my life.

This time it is different, I am understand, when people talk about !if only things where different! my thoughts have been crazy, trying to hold it together and not letting it control me. But they take over and it gets hard.

 Focus in on work building it up and getting Jackson right. He is in a good place now and life is becoming easer with him as I am showing him some stability around the home front. Children need to feel safe and know that those people will always be in their life that is important to them. knowing where they stand and knowing what feels safe and will not be taken from them is very important to them.

I keep wondering maybe if it all happened differently or at a different time, but these are not the thoughts I am allowed to have. or should I have as the past is gone and we need to pause and learn from this.

When this all went down I promised my self never again I am settling and becoming strong and going with what life has offered me. I guess I will never know if I am living my true destiny or a lie to my self only time will tell me.

I guess this is all coming up as I try to get the internet stuff up and running for myself not know what to do just teaching myself as I go not getting any where with it. ( as I use to have help from my past relationship) I can do this, stand on my own two feet, I got this.

Life, what is our journey meant to be! happy, having security, having a normal life or hay not sure. Yes I am happy because life is what I wanted it to be but am I just living again or is it just unfamiliar to me. Cant change any thing this time. It is normal secure and Jackson is feeling better. Jackson is my life and I will live it for him. I am not running, I am building a life for me and my son.

I got every thing I wanted in someone but it is like that display home is it really what I wanted or do I just need to live it and warm up to it. guessing I did it for 20 years before I can do it again, then maybe retired with me, myself, and I, FINDING WHAT WAS MY JOURNEY MENT TO BE.

when things are new it takes time to adjust. the question is do you want to put effort and time into it or just run again?

My answer is not running going to spend the time as this time I feel it is worth it.

Birthday Magic


Birthday Magic

My life has taken a big turn after leaving the needy behind, this is not an easy choice as I once needed them until I grew and made choices to heal and see my self as to whom I am today.

We, well I have a need to understand past experiences and to heal my body. Yes today is my birthday and feeling blessed with who is around my presence at the moment and all the magic happy birthdays I have received.

Happy birthday

A perfect birthday is different for all, and yes I have been a wild child in my past. but getting to know myself, I am liking family , simple things in life that make the heart beat is the most important to me. As a child my sister and I were fostered into a family THAT PRO COULD NOT AFFORD two more children but family was the most important thing. This is why this is the biggest part of my life and happiness to me that has been missing is family

Our life was hard, abusive but they did the best they could with the recourses they had and I miss them so much, they where my life, my rock and the reason I am so strong today. You can do any thing in your life, your choice.


I was thinking of what I have achieve and the choices I made to be in a happy place for myself and yes lots of people struggle. I look and see that lots of people like to complain but still sit in there security of unhappiness. What I have done has been bloody hard facing my own demands and finding to truth, but worth it now.

This time in my life it is hard to explain but it is all falling into place every thing is perfect yes in my eyes. I have family, I am creating independence with work and enjoying looking out at my paradise I can call my home. I have finally made it to the dream of my life, that’s what I am feeling. I have still got lots to do and achieve and make this flow all the way. I will never stop working on myself and my dreams.

I would love to help others find them self and happiness towards their dreams in life that is my passion.

we all need to take a step back and look at how far we have come, what we have achieved and be happy with that. You can achieve any thing you like.

The Journey Begins

The journey begins,

The life that I am no longer hiding from. Dealing with the feelings as they come to me now. yes I had a picture on how life was going to be but now I have to throw that away and start again, that’s ok I got this. where to start, I find out now that the past man has a lot of things he has not faced and this maybe why it drifted apart, as I have been facing what is put in front of me for  some time now.  my cycles have been stopping and I am facing this head on now. my new relationship yes you read right. I have met some one and as crazy as it seems, I was not looking or doing my old habits (that one I refused to do again) and it just happened. the eyes met, it was easy to communicate and there was no expectations. This time it was hi and see how it goes, have a milkshake, that easy. I feel like we have been together in an other life time as we have lots in coming and yes we are both treating it as friends, who knows where it ends.


all the girly things and stuff when you first meet some one, like

  • when they here you go to the toilet and you fart
  • when you need to blow your nose and you stop yourself from looking at it first
  • shy and hiding your body around them
  • picking at your feet or body parts in front of them
  • when you first get into bed with each other covering up
  • cleaning your teeth for the first time in front of them
  • seeing each other naked on the toilet
  • talking about sexual stuff and not ashamed.

all of this is natural like we have been married for years, weird but hey that’s what is going down. yes my brain still say go slow but my other says this is easy, and then you get that crazy shit like you only just met him like.

this time round no running, only talking and facing it together and work it out. this is it, done and it will work.

my fairy tale is here, yep I am crazy but we all have to stop running and face the facts and what we what out of it.


one door shuts the other opens

one door closes one door opens

when you are sure of the closing of the door you see new opportunity comes to you. embrace don’t ask just trust what is in front of you. I have come to another time of disappointment, but this time it is different. I read, I felt, I got a message and said this is a passive control of capturing me and not setting me free. free to be my own person and learn my own way. yes there maybe mistakes but that my learning. lets hope next time round I can be shown the light with out the darkness. i feel this is where I belong and I will find my tribe here. the fun, laughter, spiritual crazy journey. the last two to three years have been big, I have fallen into dark places, I have bounce of walls and done some crazy stuff, I have done some bald moves not every one can do. yes never regret only learn that’s me. hard to let go but easy when the lesson is learned.

I have learned to pause and not fight as this just leads to unhappy spite.

to be controlled is hard to see as passive as it can be


Buying a House

Buying a house

Buying a house could be easy or could be hard. My experience in buying a house has given me two different experiences. The first house easy, every one organised everything and I signed and it was done. The second house of buying, well I am stressed out to the max. Well let’s just say I have shut down again. They say let things go and they will flow, well I am not sure which way the stream is flowing.  It all started when money flow was not flowing and repayments on car and house and general bills a bit much to handle. This became a struggle, so my thoughts where explain buy something less money have some in bank and car paid off. Sounds good yes? Well nothing nice in Geelong for that price so i gave up and looked in Queensland, which has been on my mind to move there for a little while just not the right timing. My house sold quickly easy, found a place up north. Then the stress begins. I had a broker, Rams, a conveyance in Kyneton and in Queensland organising everything but no one was organising much at all. They were all waiting for someone else to make the move. So yes we are running out of time and the settlement date has been extended for the second time. And me well i am trying to round all up and do their work for them. Hey yes they still want their money funny that. So now i am on my way and still trying to fix paper work up while driving to Queensland. I feel like being angry but cannot because that’s too much energy. To be strong one must as i have a boy who is relying on his mum to give him a new happy home. But mum just wants to fall into a ball and cry. I am past falling apart; as i am thinking positive just have to do the work. But no one’s getting paid until i get a list of ins and outs of my money and a description of what their job was meant to be. Well maybe not that but that what it feels like. I have never heard of so much shit that has made this so hard. Then i look at it too what lesson the universe is trying to teach me on the way. This is my thoughts on that, make me pull my finger out and take control of my life. Made me feel strong and i can do this. To notice and love the friends that i have touch on my journey and i have lots to give .and to received help without feeling guilty about it.