Let’s paint a picture of how this went. It was about 2pm in the afternoon magic man and I are doing some blogging stuff sipping port, all is good. Then we get the fire started as we keep drinking before dinner. Onto the red vino now we start playing our usual games of talking about our feelings. This game we made up, like all our little games. This time one would pick past, present or future and the other would ask a personal question relating to that time of their life. So as you can guess we got some pretty juicy information about each other. It is always dangerous playing these games you can find out a lot you would not even think or want to say in general life. Continue reading Emotional Feelings
This is my first time camping and am child free just me and my magic man. It is fun but my mind keeps drifting in and out of question mode and emotions. Out here you have no choice but to feel, this brings back lots for me as it is a time to pause, lots to notice in each other, feelings for me of another commitment thingy. Continue reading Camping
The last few days have been an adventure and challenging time all at once. Trying to notice and feel without blocking or shutting down and going back into old habits. I finally did the walk with my magic man. This was huge for me as every time we booked this walk I would run and finish the relationship. Knowing this walk meant so much to him it was like a big commitment for me. The walk was amazing I was not going to give up even though it gave me struggles of physical and emotional challenges. In the beginning it was exciting not thinking of anything but what tree, bush or rocks I had to climb, go under or push my way through. Then there was a long period of just rocks in the gully, me just thinking got to get the end and see the river. Getting to the river, there was no water just more rocks, hey that’s ok, now my fear was the big hill to climb, omg it was massive but rewarding, it made me feel strong and capable of succeeding. Then I knew we were on our way home. The walk ended up 15kms taking 7 hours with a small break for lunch and snack. We did not stop moving one leg in front of the other the whole way. It was beautiful, amazing, lots of photos were taken, i have never felt so alive. My heart was pounding, I could feel my legs trembling and feeling the difference in air temperature, listening and seeing nature around me come alive. Life is so structured and it takes over us and we get stuck in a rut. What for? To please everyone else but ourselves.
Well I have been told that a blog is about happy times too. Today I am feeling happy but was not going to blog. Happy is an unfamiliar word to me, I feel it then quickly shut it down before it takes over me, but this week coming I want to forget and feel what happy is all about, this is my challenge and adventure and mmm scared to feel all at one time. So this week coming I am going on an adventure in the bush and just hoping to let go to the universe let it take me on a journey to feelings I have lost and blocked out and take me to a wild and crazy and amazing place of what I am meant to be feeing. Continue reading Happy
The last few days have been a battle for me, old patterns of thinking, those cycles of disbelief and of not feeling worthy. I use to be happy, well maybe I thought I was but now its hard to find that word happy and live it. Life gives us struggles to see how we work out our mistakes and learn, but hey this is too long I am sick of trying to learn, I just want to be happy again. I am clinging to things to run and hide with, I just want to be busy again and feel like I have a successful life. I need to let go of all those material worries and look at who is beside me. The other day I sat down on the couch I become so numb and frozen my hands started to tremble, I sat for 30 min thinking what is wrong with me. I do not think this is how it is meant to be.