Your Relationship

Your relationship

Your relationship is yours and not to be assessed by any one else’s. Every relationship has been different for me. We all grow and have different stages of our life. I grow through every relationship even the one night stands. When i was young I had fun relationships not much commitment just fun and enjoying hanging out. There was one guy I thought I was committed to when i was around 20 years old but I had to live more. Then I got caught up in the drug seen dating a drug dealer of ecstasy and having the time of my life. Those were the days of stripping and parting on the weekends. I must say though I never mixed the two together I always kept them separate. Work was work and fun was fun. !believe it or not!

Then after years I realised I had to stop the drugs before it took over me. Well I thought I was not that bad but still wanted to stop. I went to Melbourne for work and met my ex husband and moved to Melbourne. Now he came into my life to help me give up drugs. He was anti and did not do drug and that was great. Yeas it worked but then the control and possessiveness came in. Me not reconsidering it until it was too late.

Losing my identity and who am I, with all the abuse and threats. It took me 20 years to wake up to that one. I guess that relationship served it purpose; he did teach me how to run my own business and give up drugs. But then I became his trophy.

Imagine this, growing up in a world searching for your soul mate based merely on a formula that has a positive outcome. Each person you meet has their own piece of the formula, and with just a touch of the index finger, you immediately know whether or not that person is the one for you. Now imagine meeting countless people, and you notice some of your friends find their soul mate before you. You begin to feel like your formula isn’t right, so you pretend to choose someone as your soul mate and later after much time you realize you made a big mistake. You wanted to be like your friend just because you noticed those around you were getting into relationships meanwhile you didn’t take the time to find the right one for you based on your own needs.

own your relationship

Your relationship Your relationship is yours and not to be assessed by any one else’s. Every relationship has been different for me. We all grow and have different stages of our life. I grow through every relationship even the one night stands. When I was young I had fun relationships not much commitment just fun and enjoying hanging out.

There was one guy I thought I was committed to when I was around 20 years old but I had to live more. Then I got caught up in the drug seen dating a drug dealer of ecstasy and having the time of my life. Those were the days of stripping and parting on the weekends. I must say though I never mixed the two together I always kept them separate. Work was work and fun was fun. !believe it or not! Then after years I realised I had to stop the drugs before it took over me. Well I thought I was not that bad but still wanted to stop. I went to Melbourne for work and met my ex husband and moved to Melbourne. Now he came into my life to help me give up drugs. He was anti and did not do drug and that was great. Yeas it worked but then the control and possessiveness came in. Me not reconsidering it until it was too late. Losing my identity and who am I, with all the abuse and threats. It took me 20 years to wake up to that one. I guess that relationship served it purpose; he did teach me how to run my own business and give up drugs. But then I became his trophy.

Imagine this, growing up in a world searching for your soul mate based merely on a formula that has a positive outcome. Each person you meet has their own piece of the formula, and with just a touch of the index finger, you immediately know whether or not that person is the one for you. Now imagine meeting countless people, and you notice some of your friends find their soul mate before you. You begin to feel like your formula isn’t right, so you pretend to choose someone as your soul mate and later after much time you realize you made a big mistake. You wanted to be like your friend just because you noticed those around you were getting into relationships meanwhile you didn’t take the time to find the right one for you based on your own needs.

Soul mates and connection is not what I was used to until I met a man that I thought was soul mate. But how do you mix soul mate with meeting your needs as a final relationship. I learnt so much and that it was a one way street not in a bad way. He was there to listen to support me but did not let me in in return and trust and let himself go to me. I did not get the completion of family trust and let me into his world. A relationship in my eyes becomes even, trust and bring your family together. Family and trust is a big part of my upbringing. Now I see so much more a relationship is to me.

• Accepting that someone loves you

• They are committed all the way, feeling safe and content it is hard to describe.

• You will know it when you find it. All is covered and what you dreamed of.

• family connecting and making an effort,

• Support in the action, the way they do, not just talk, they take action about it, they listen without commenting, just let you talk.

• They remember what you have said and take action.

• The look says it all; you do not need to say I love you all the time.

• You are in a busy public place they will notice your mood change from a distance and ask if you’re ok, them knowing something is up.

  • This is it this is the ending of my capture with this one.

Soul mates and connection is not what I was used to until I met a man that I thought was soul mate material. But how do you mix soul mate with meeting your needs as a final relationship. I learnt so much and that it was a one way street not in a bad way. He was there to listen to be support me but not return and trust and let himself go to me. I did not get the completion of family trust and let me into his world. A relationship in my eyes becomes even, trust and bring your family together. Family and trust is a big part of my upbringing.

Now I see so much more a relationship is to me,

  • Accepting that someone loves you
  • They are committed all the way, feeling safe and content it is hard to describe.
  • You will know it when you find it. All is covered and what you dreamed of.
  • family connecting and making an effort,
  • Support in the action, the way they do not just talk they take action about it, they listen without commenting, just let you talk.
  • They remember what you have said and take action.
  • The look says it all; you do not need to say i love you all the time.
  • You are in a busy public place they will notice you mood change from a distance and ask if you’re ok

When you know, you just say it. This is it this is the ending of my capture with this one.

 

Hurt Feelings

As I sit, here thinking of the hurt I put someone through, saying sorry will not change my actions I have already done. The feeling of losing someone’s trust because you could not trust yourself. The pause in the text the insecurity talks through your head. I have made some big bad mistakes, not know why but the feeling of losing is not nice. I am not sure how I can make it back to the girl he first met that had lots of laughs. Continue reading Hurt Feelings

Absence

I have been absence for a reason, things have been difficult to put into words. I have done another cycle, but that’s not all. One thing I cannot mention because the law prohibited. But I can talk about me; I have been lost alone and unhappy pretending I am ok.  Now I am back with the magic man and have to face that this is good for me and my child and its ok to ask for help and accept love and help when needed. I can still be my person at the same time. I am starting to realise that if I just let life be and not try to control it and be happy within myself, I have found love and happiness. My heart wants to jump in and give all, but my head does take over and says be careful. If I let all go, I feel I will just want to hide and be scared. My work is finally kicking off, and it is exciting I have some great ideas but needs work out. So my job is now to break these cycles and talk about it as I feel it coming on so can prevent this all happening again.

Five Additions of mine

I am forcing myself to a self-journey which is very unfamiliar to me. I have always needed someone near me to guide me and make me feel safe and loved. I Have a lot of additions and demons to fight. Now is a time for me to separate and be aware of my habits, by doing this I have had to push some of my friends away that have been close to me so I can see clearly without distraction and feelings of being comfortable and stuck. They say until you’re happy in your skin you will not be happy with anyone else. This is going to be scary, lonely and challenging. But the cycles must stop. Continue reading Five Additions of mine

Poem of loss ???

Well they say spending lots of time together will make you or break you. I think I have accomplished both. We spent a week together, bush walking, camping and hanging out at home, just the two of us. As you read the other post you can see our journey unfold. My feelings are scared and confused; I feel I have damaged the one person that adores me by my silly mistakes i have always made in my life. My magic man is not the same, he is doing lots of thinking and me thinking the worst i have pushed him away and that hurts to say. Continue reading Poem of loss ???