Facing our fears

Facing our fears

Sad-Girl-on-a-Swing--107123 (333 x 444)This takes courage and not all of us are strong enough to do this all the time. I remember my first Rebirthing experience, it was traumatising and exhausting. I went into meditation thinking I knew what I was going to work on and instead it was about something very personal and scaring to me. The feeling of emotions rising through my body and having no control over, forced me to not want to go to that dark place again.

The sad little girl lost, alone and no one to talk to. Over the years I have slowly trusted very few therapists in working on my inner child. I would have to say one was when I was 20 years old (there bouts). The other has been over the last three years which has been my greatest results.

This lady is like an angel from heaven. Her name is sis (bodhi lane reiki Geelong Melbourne)Learning to listen to your inner soul and she works with counselling and healing in no other way you cannot describe. Her magic, her knowledge is beautifully combined. She has a gift to heal and understand. I would go in with trust and walk out with inner knowledge and feel the power of enlighten. I do miss her therapy.

Now I am in a land of new surroundings with emotional upheavals. Yes having not found that trusted person to let it all go and move forwards with. Friends are great but they too have their own opinion and beliefs that interfere with how the process should evolve. My partner is great, not a man of many words but a man of action, just being there and listening and the little things he does makes me feel safe and knowing there is some one always there for me.

IMG_0447 (333 x 444)I have been given my child as I learn how to not accept abuse. He is a walking image of his father. This is all learned behaviour. At the age of two he learnt how to manipulate and abuse his mother thinking this is what life’s all about because that what dad did. Now it is my job to reframe his mind and teach him the real life’s beauty of love and respect.

It is so hard to be treated wrong and feeling like you has no control and yet I keep trying because that’s what mums do best. Now I need to be strong stop feeling sorry for myself, reframing my thoughts and help change my boy’s outlook of life, as it can be a magic place to be in. Please think how you act as parents while your kids are young. They are sponges and only learn through what they see. Think pause and create magic for your kid’s future.

Fear kills all, don’t let it make you life miserable. Change the way you think from the moment you open your eyes. Let life take you on a happy journey.

 

Buying a House

Buying a house

Buying a house could be easy or could be hard. My experience in buying a house has given me two different experiences. The first house easy, every one organised everything and I signed and it was done. The second house of buying, well I am stressed out to the max. Well let’s just say I have shut down again. They say let things go and they will flow, well I am not sure which way the stream is flowing.  It all started when money flow was not flowing and repayments on car and house and general bills a bit much to handle. This became a struggle, so my thoughts where explain buy something less money have some in bank and car paid off. Sounds good yes? Well nothing nice in Geelong for that price so i gave up and looked in Queensland, which has been on my mind to move there for a little while just not the right timing. My house sold quickly easy, found a place up north. Then the stress begins. I had a broker, Rams, a conveyance in Kyneton and in Queensland organising everything but no one was organising much at all. They were all waiting for someone else to make the move. So yes we are running out of time and the settlement date has been extended for the second time. And me well i am trying to round all up and do their work for them. Hey yes they still want their money funny that. So now i am on my way and still trying to fix paper work up while driving to Queensland. I feel like being angry but cannot because that’s too much energy. To be strong one must as i have a boy who is relying on his mum to give him a new happy home. But mum just wants to fall into a ball and cry. I am past falling apart; as i am thinking positive just have to do the work. But no one’s getting paid until i get a list of ins and outs of my money and a description of what their job was meant to be. Well maybe not that but that what it feels like. I have never heard of so much shit that has made this so hard. Then i look at it too what lesson the universe is trying to teach me on the way. This is my thoughts on that, make me pull my finger out and take control of my life. Made me feel strong and i can do this. To notice and love the friends that i have touch on my journey and i have lots to give .and to received help without feeling guilty about it.

Mums story the end

Mums story the end

One day George said to me he wanted to go to England to find his family “just like that” that sounded OK! To me I understood this need of knowing and wanting to find out why and what happened for him to arrive in Australia and yet some part of his family was still in London. So I said go do what you have to do and said good bye to him as if he was going to work, I was used to him coming and going but it was usually just a drug binge some were close. This was “England London where in the hell was that”. Continue reading Mums story the end

mums story part 3

Mums story part 3

Mum came to Tasmania for your christening and stayed with us for a few weeks, we went on picnics up to the river where there was a park overlooking savage river itself. You and I went back with mum and stayed on Wayfarer for a while and went sailing with the crew which was Kevin, Chris, Mum and Dad. We would have BBQs potatoes wrapped in foil and thrown onto the goals of the fire, sausages, oysters we could collect from the rocks red Nell and plonk, that’s why I wasn’t christened as I refused to drink the red wine which they called blood of Christ. We eventually came back to live in Sydney and on Sundays when we could we would go to the Wayfarer and go sailing with the crew. I had known Chris and Kevin from the age of twelve. Continue reading mums story part 3

Being a Mum

This is one of the hardest jobs to do.

My son is a very difficult child and I have had to learn along the way and I’m still learning how to make him a better person. My challenges have been from the very beginning. Going to different therapists to help me with strategies. My child got expelled at the age of 4 years of age from child care. He went through a biting stage, yes, this might sound normal but with my little man, he did not stop. He is a very emotional boy trapped in an unfamiliar body. So his way of getting through this is  through anger and hurting people, hitting people. Every day picking up my child from child care I got spoken to, them telling me how bad my child was for the day, I have had this all his life. Continue reading Being a Mum