The weekends alone with my child are the hardest, this is were I feel the most pain of being alone, it brings back feelings of the separation with the ex. When leaving I try and grab strength to get out but I think I blocked all feelings so I was strong for my boy, now every time alone at home with my boy I fall apart, falling into the deepest hole. If I was alone no child I think I would not leave my bedroom and be a mess. Leaving the ex took a year of building up courage and hate towards every thing he said and did. When I told him it is over I made sure my son was around so he could not get angry and maybe hurt me. Continue reading “Feelings of Seperation”
It is late and I am trying to dig deep and find feelings that I block so well. It has been an emotional day and a slow week. I want to feel happy but am too tired to put that mask on and smile. Life is shit sometimes and is going so slow. I am putting in the home work setting things up but still my future seems to keep getting further and further away from me. I think, I cannot complain which is not me , I am a person that hides and does not show my struggles. Continue reading “Single Mum”
when I first started texting and seeing the magic man, he texted me some thing that blew me away. That moment I new we had started connecting. He text, “I am bored send me a story”, I love that shit, I do that myself. Any way this is one of his story’s to me. When we first met you were always smiling and positive. Never sad or angry and never upset. With everything going on in your life I knew you were either holding it and hiding what you were feeling or you were hiding from it. Continue reading “The Magic Mans Story (Relationship)”
These are story’s shared between me and my magic man and this is our beginning
There once was a snail who didn’t know what happy was so he packed his bag and left home in search of happy. When he left, the weather turned bad and he struggled to move forward but he tried and tried until the weather got a little better. Along the way he met a few bugs who helped him on his way, but he also met a few who didn’t , who tricked him. They said they knew where happy was so he followed them for a while but they lied, they lead him into the dark woods where he couldn’t find his way for a long time.
OMG it has been a roller coaster, emotional weekend, which should have been a magic one. Let me set the scene for you. My ex has been away in Thailand living a different life, away from his child and decides to come back and start looking after his boy again, which is great for my boys heart but I think for him, personally maybe not. So I drop him off and head off to my mans house to spend some time alone together, not thinking anything but and then my emotions take over without realising and I shut down like I used to with the ex, not fucking good, I hate this feeling of not feeling. I did not realise until later that I had shut down, feeling sick about my boy, is he ok?