I am forcing myself to a self-journey which is very unfamiliar to me. I have always needed someone near me to guide me and make me feel safe and loved. I Have a lot of additions and demons to fight. Now is a time for me to separate and be aware of my habits, by doing this I have had to push some of my friends away that have been close to me so I can see clearly without distraction and feelings of being comfortable and stuck. They say until you’re happy in your skin you will not be happy with anyone else. This is going to be scary, lonely and challenging. But the cycles must stop.
MY Five additions are
1. Numbing myself with alcohol
This is something I do a lot; I drink every day not much I think but every day is my concern. When I don’t want to face something, I will drink more. If I am escaping something I drink so much I do crazy wild stuff that well is not acceptable, give my body away hope to fill the love and acceptance I hunger.
2. Sex drive
This one I am not sure, I feel if I give myself away this will make things safe. Being horny all the time is not a good thing because looking in the wrong places just makes it all feel dirty and not satisfying, not getting my pleasures filled only destroyed.
3. finding the answers off everyone but me.
This is something I do put my trust in others and not know what do I want. But this is hard to when you have had this taken away from you for so long, actually to find it again.
4. online dating
yes it draws me in just to see it is not what I need it just masks what I am feeling
5. stay true to me
find something I am passionate about and stay focused on my feelings.