As I sit, here thinking of the hurt I put someone through, saying sorry will not change my actions I have already done. The feeling of losing someone’s trust because you could not trust yourself. The pause in the text the insecurity talks through your head. I have made some big bad mistakes, not know why but the feeling of losing is not nice. I am not sure how I can make it back to the girl he first met that had lots of laughs.
There has been some magic moment and also some dark ones too, I am hoping I can gain confident in feeling less restricted of the power of the brain and to free the heart and happiness again. My mind keeps falling back to the pain I have created, and I can feel myself taking it slow. I am holding back of letting myself go with feelings as I feel it is the same pattern as before. I want it to be different this time, thinking everything I do want to make it real and prove my actions are proof. Proof that I am trying to change my cycle and stick by him as he has for me. This man is my soul mate, and I want to feel our openness again with no sadness in each other’s minds. We can enjoy our deep conversation and games again with freedom of trust and love. I have wanted to say those words the last day, but I don’t want them to just sound like words, just words.