The journey begins,
The life that I am no longer hiding from. Dealing with the feelings as they come to me now. yes I had a picture on how life was going to be but now I have to throw that away and start again, that’s ok I got this. where to start, I find out now that the past man has a lot of things he has not faced and this maybe why it drifted apart, as I have been facing what is put in front of me for some time now. my cycles have been stopping and I am facing this head on now. my new relationship yes you read right. I have met some one and as crazy as it seems, I was not looking or doing my old habits (that one I refused to do again) and it just happened. the eyes met, it was easy to communicate and there was no expectations. This time it was hi and see how it goes, have a milkshake, that easy. I feel like we have been together in an other life time as we have lots in coming and yes we are both treating it as friends, who knows where it ends.
SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN MY THOUGHT PATTERN THIS TIME ROUND
all the girly things and stuff when you first meet some one, like
- when they here you go to the toilet and you fart
- when you need to blow your nose and you stop yourself from looking at it first
- shy and hiding your body around them
- picking at your feet or body parts in front of them
- when you first get into bed with each other covering up
- cleaning your teeth for the first time in front of them
- seeing each other naked on the toilet
- talking about sexual stuff and not ashamed.
all of this is natural like we have been married for years, weird but hey that’s what is going down. yes my brain still say go slow but my other says this is easy, and then you get that crazy shit like you only just met him like.
this time round no running, only talking and facing it together and work it out. this is it, done and it will work.
my fairy tale is here, yep I am crazy but we all have to stop running and face the facts and what we what out of it.
Well they say spending lots of time together will make you or break you. I think I have accomplished both. We spent a week together, bush walking, camping and hanging out at home, just the two of us. As you read the other post you can see our journey unfold. My feelings are scared and confused; I feel I have damaged the one person that adores me by my silly mistakes i have always made in my life. My magic man is not the same, he is doing lots of thinking and me thinking the worst i have pushed him away and that hurts to say. Continue reading Poem of loss ???
This has been a great journey over 2017. I will be rereading and revamping all my post to create more traffic. The post date of originals will be in there and new stuff added to how it is now.
This is a diary of my life struggles and joy, that have made me who I am today. We all have a story of why we are whom we are today. This is mine, hoping you will enjoy and be hungry for more.
So it will be scatted events and stories of my life of struggle, happiness and abuse as I put it all together. Don’t look into my stories and see the pain I was in
Look into my story’s and see the strength I have become. I lost myself as a little girl and have been struggling to conquer and be strong, and find the real women I truly am today.
I also lost myself over my marriage as is shut down due to verbal abuse over the years. this has been hard to regain strength and find out who I am. Things so simple as what I like to do eat and so on. When your with some one for so long, I ended up doing and eating what they liked as I lost myself and courage to say the things that had meaning to me.
!It is hard to loose a heart you say! but I did and am still struggling with the I love you thingy. It is a lost feeling I am still learning to find out what is the meaning of love to me. So now I need to be strong in my head and create magic as I use to know it.
To many people just say, !I love you! without actions backing it up. It is too easy for people to just walk away and shut down and think they can do this, but it hurts and it is hard to fall in love again.
Get out of your head.