My question is why do we confuse and question our self, by doing this we only put our self though pain and no sleep. I guess it is a process if we learn from it good. Yes I have done it again pushed the man who only stands by me when I am a mess.
The weekends alone with my child are the hardest, this is were I feel the most pain of being alone, it brings back feelings of the separation with the ex. When leaving I try and grab strength to get out but I think I blocked all feelings so I was strong for my boy, now every time alone at home with my boy I fall apart, falling into the deepest hole. If I was alone no child I think I would not leave my bedroom and be a mess. Leaving the ex took a year of building up courage and hate towards every thing he said and did. When I told him it is over I made sure my son was around so he could not get angry and maybe hurt me. Continue reading “Feelings of Seperation”
OMG it has been a roller coaster, emotional weekend, which should have been a magic one. Let me set the scene for you. My ex has been away in Thailand living a different life, away from his child and decides to come back and start looking after his boy again, which is great for my boys heart but I think for him, personally maybe not. So I drop him off and head off to my mans house to spend some time alone together, not thinking anything but and then my emotions take over without realising and I shut down like I used to with the ex, not fucking good, I hate this feeling of not feeling. I did not realise until later that I had shut down, feeling sick about my boy, is he ok?