Tonight I don’t speak
I just cry my self to sleep
as my heart has opened
and his heart is broken
I must keep it asleep
or he will run and I want to be able to keep
so I will sit quietly and
watch it unfold
my turn to be the one
of support in their darkness.
I am a single mum as you may know and have no idea how to make things a boy wants to make.
My son is always looking on youtube on how to make things. It always involved buying the thing and using wood trills and stuff I have no idea on how to use.
This is the time I wish there was a man in my life to help my little man learn and grow to be able to make and build the stuff together.
I hate saying no and it kills me inside and it is hard to explain to an ADHD and spectrum autism child why I don’t want to try and make it, as I know what is in front of us and the emotional roller coaster we are in for.
Which I know will not work because they don’t give you measurements and then my boy has a mental breakdown and feels he has failed in making something because it did not work.
The emotions that come through are so unbearable. I start to feel like a failure too, not letting him have the experience and letting his imagination go wild.
I am always encouraging him but I hate it when I know it will be a failure and then I have to pick up the pieces and put him back together.
I wish I could hire a hubby to teach him how to do men stuff and work with tools because the biggest tool we have is a big screwdriver.
So I am trying to think outside the box and redirect him back to lego and that’s not working. my head is pounding my gut is turning and am praying it will all go away.
besides buying all these tools, like a drill and spending money. it kills me that it doesn’t work out.
so trying to redirect him and saying no to this, I am getting yelled at and sworn at and am the worst mother in the world.
life can be hard sometimes and you just feel like they are taking this on alone. which I am.
I am and have been doing this all alone and just feel weak and like disappearing and hiding. but there is nowhere to hide but to stay and face it and best.
So hot and sweaty just the way I like it, slippery and wet I will never fight it
So put your sweet smell on and let’s begin
Let’s have some fun my FWB man (yeehaw)
From your ma’am as a friend
http://pandorasdiary.com.au/fear-of-acceptin…ild-is-different/
I am morning and in pain of the cycle, I keep regaining. Looking for affection in all the wrong places and yet I have gained so much insight into who I am facing. The pain the gain how to refrain. I slip and then I fall and then I catch my self as I call and pick me up again.
when I am out of my comfort zone I fall and when I am in control I raw.
but to be unsure and not so pure
is part of the learning we all feel a part of.
So I call on my inner voice to guide me the way
even if it is foggy today
I will see a light as I meditate it away
faraway I will let this past fade away
I look to the light and dream of the best and forget of all the rest
please inner strength gives me the right path
I will listen and be with one
I am doing inner work and letting it flow
but I still have a little way to go.
so here I am doing my inner work and releasing the stuff that does not work
Please let me regain the strength I need
as I do not need to revisit the pain
I am doing so well and then I fell
but I will also keep moving forwards
to the light, I have visioned oh so well
they say two steps forward and one back
well that is me one step back but I know where I am at
yay to life and its many changes
that’s how we learn of our many gaining changes.
The fantasy awaits, as I dream of my place
changing the cycles as I have flown
to not get court up in the past
the past things that have not last
I am going out on a limb and
trying things that I would not have been
I am looking and how it makes me feel
instead of how it looks
http://pandorasdiary.com.au/i-like-and-that-is-the-naughty-me/
so I am going with my gut and not thinking too much
as my head always takes over but
this time of going with the gut
who knows where it might lead me
as there is a lot of positives
I feel more than I see
and I am going to let this be
be what it may and enjoy the day
I will jump in with eyes closed and go with what my gut knows
I am in a situation so unfamiliar
but at the same time, I can feel it
all nervous and not knowing what’s going on
but hey let’s play along
who knows what it may lead too
I have nothing to lose.