Pandora's Diary – Secrets of Pandora's Box
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      April 26, 2020

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      Go with the flow

      November 24, 2019

Pandora's Diary – Secrets of Pandora's Box
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
  • DIARY
    • Diary

      Sorry to all the hearts I have broken

      September 25, 2020

      Diary

      Self Reflection

      June 20, 2020

      Diary

      Raw Desire

      March 8, 2020

      Diary

      Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

      May 8, 2019

      Diary

      Today is about the unknown

      May 2, 2019

  • FEELINGS
    • Feelings

      Are you feeling alone?

      October 10, 2020

      Feelings

      Facing your vagina

      April 26, 2020

      Feelings

      Saying Goodbye

      March 24, 2020

      Feelings

      My frequency of pleasure

      February 8, 2020

      Feelings

      Go with the flow

      November 24, 2019

Category:

Feelings

Feelings

My heart has finally opened

by pandora September 1, 2019
written by pandora

My heart has finally opened


Tonight I don’t speak


I just cry my self to sleep


as my heart has opened


and his heart is broken


I must keep it asleep


or he will run and I want to be able to keep


so I will sit quietly and


watch it unfold


my turn to be the one


of support in their darkness.

September 1, 2019
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Feelings

Being a single mum is frustration just about sums it up

by pandora July 21, 2019
written by pandora

Frustration just about sums it up

 

I am a single mum as you may know and have no idea how to make things a boy wants to make.

My son is always looking on youtube on how to make things. It always involved buying the thing and using wood trills and stuff I have no idea on how to use.

This is the time I wish there was a man in my life to help my little man learn and grow to be able to make and build the stuff together.

I hate saying no and it kills me inside and it is hard to explain to an ADHD and spectrum autism child why I don’t want to try and make it, as I know what is in front of us and the emotional roller coaster we are in for.

Which I know will not work because they don’t give you measurements and then my boy has a mental breakdown and feels he has failed in making something because it did not work.

The emotions that come through are so unbearable. I start to feel like a failure too, not letting him have the experience and letting his imagination go wild.

I am always encouraging him but I hate it when I know it will be a failure and then I have to pick up the pieces and put him back together.

Frustration just about sums it up

I wish I could hire a hubby to teach him how to do men stuff and work with tools because the biggest tool we have is a big screwdriver.

So I am trying to think outside the box and redirect him back to lego and that’s not working. my head is pounding my gut is turning and am praying it will all go away.

besides buying all these tools, like a drill and spending money. it kills me that it doesn’t work out.

so trying to redirect him and saying no to this, I am getting yelled at and sworn at and am the worst mother in the world.

life can be hard sometimes and you just feel like they are taking this on alone. which I am.

I am and have been doing this all alone and just feel weak and like disappearing and hiding. but there is nowhere to hide but to stay and face it and best.

So hot and sweaty just the way I like it, slippery and wet I will never fight it

So put your sweet smell on and let’s begin

Let’s have some fun my FWB man (yeehaw)

From your ma’am as a friend

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/fear-of-acceptin…ild-is-different/

July 21, 2019
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Feelings

The Power of listening to your inner voice

by pandora May 27, 2019
written by pandora

This is somewhat miss understood. we forget to listen and go about our days with the same habits that got us into this state.

I am morning and in pain of the cycle, I keep regaining. Looking for affection in all the wrong places and yet I have gained so much insight into who I am facing. The pain the gain how to refrain. I slip and then I fall and then I catch my self as I call and pick me up again.

when I am out of my comfort zone I fall and when I am in control I raw.

but to be unsure and not so pure

is part of the learning we all feel a part of.

So I call on my inner voice to guide me the way

even if it is foggy today

I will see a light as I meditate it away

faraway I will let this past fade away

I look to the light and dream of the best and forget of all the rest

please inner strength gives me the right path

I will listen and be with one

I am doing inner work and letting it flow

but I still have a little way to go.

so here I am doing my inner work and releasing the stuff that does not work

Please let me regain the strength I need

as I do not need to revisit the pain

I am doing so well and then I fell

but I will also keep moving forwards

to the light, I have visioned oh so well

they say two steps forward and one back

well that is me one step back but I know where I am at

yay to life and its many changes

that’s how we learn of our many gaining changes.

May 27, 2019
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DiaryFeelings

Missing the affection you gain from someone

by pandora April 24, 2019
written by pandora
Missing the affection you gain from someone being present

I am feeling strong but affection is a must

it is the one thing I lust

to have you hold me tight at night

to pull me ever so tight

I am missing the spooning at night

as I fight to be strong and bright

to shine for myself as I follow the light

please god give me strength each night

I must admit I am not doing too bad

but it hasn’t been long to feel sad

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/self-talk

I long for the right, not the wrong and the bad

so let’s say I have been strong

but I feel a rush that is coming on

I am going with what is good for me

but yet I am not so good you see

well not yet lol

http://pandorasdiary.com.au/emotions-have-a-purpose-even-when-they-are-unwanted/

April 24, 2019
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DiaryFeelings

Your Relationship

by pandora April 20, 2019
written by pandora

Your Relationship

Your relationship is yours and not to be assessed by any one else’s. Every relationship has been different for me. We all grow and have different stages of our life. I grow through every relationship even the one night stands. When i was young I had fun relationships not much commitment just fun and enjoying hanging out. There was one guy I thought I was committed to when i was around 20 years old but I had to live more. Then I got caught up in the drug scene dating a drug dealer of ecstasy and having the time of my life. Those were the days of stripping and parting on the weekends. I must say though I never mixed the two together I always kept them separate. Work was work and fun was fun. !believe it or not!

Then after years I realised I had to stop the drugs before it took over me. Well I thought I was not that bad but still wanted to stop. I went to Melbourne for work and met my ex husband and moved to Melbourne. Now he came into my life to help me give up drugs. He was ante and did not do drug and that was great. Yeas it worked but then the control and obsessiveness came in. Me not reconsidering it until it was too late.

and who am I, with all the abuse and threats. It took me 20 years to wake up to that one. I guess that relationship served it purpose; he did teach me how to run my own business and give up drugs. But then I became his trophy.

T(Imagine this, growing up in a world searching for your soul mate based merely on a formula that has a positive outcome. Each person you meet has their own piece of the formula, and with just a touch of the index finger, you immediately know whether or not that person is the one for you. Now imagine meeting countless people, and you notice some of your friends find their soul mate before you. You begin to feel like your formula isn’t right, so you pretend to choose someone as your soul mate and later after much time you realize you made a big mistake. You wanted to be like your friend just because you noticed those around you were getting into relationships meanwhile you didn’t take the time to find the right one for you based on your own needs.)

https://originalgoodgirl.com/2018/04/14/own-your-relationship/

Your relationship is yours and not to be assessed by any one else’s. Every relationship has been different for me. We all grow and have different stages of our life. I grow through every relationship even the one night stands. When I was young I had fun relationships not much commitment just fun and enjoying hanging out.

There was one guy I thought I was committed to when I was around 20 years old but I had to live more. Then I got caught up in the drug scene dating a drug dealer of ecstasy and having the time of my life. Those were the days of stripping and parting on the weekends. I must say though I never mixed the two together I always kept them separate. Work was work and fun was fun. !believe it or not! Then after years I realised I had to stop the drugs before it took over me. Well I thought I was not that bad but still wanted to stop. I went to Melbourne for work and met my ex husband and moved to Melbourne. Now he came into my life to help me give up drugs. He was ante and did not do drug and that was great. Yeas it worked but then the control and obsessiveness came in. Me not reconsidering it until it was too late. Losing my identity and who am I, with all the abuse and threats. It took me 20 years to wake up to that one. I guess that relationship served it purpose; he did teach me how to run my own business and give up drugs. But then I became his trophy.

Soul mates and connection is not what I was used to until I met a man, we talked a lot of deep emotional stuff connecting in a lot of different ways.  I learnt so much about myself. He was there to listen to support me in a lot of ways that where new to me. however I always felt like some thing was missing. not knowing what is was I left and went back many times to find learn, not sure. A relationship in my eyes become clearer as time went on,  Family and trust was a big part of my upbringing. I am still unclear of what went wrong but we all make choices and maybe some day I can look back and answer it. Now I see things in a different light. still unsure and for sure I get lots of laughs and mind stimulation. finding your true self could take years but enjoy day by day and let in unfold.

some points that help me.

  • Accepting that someone loves you
  • Feeling safe and content it is hard to describe.
  • You will know it when you find it. All is covered and what you dreamed of.
  • Support in the action, the way they do, not just talk, they take action about it, they listen without commenting, just let you talk.
  • They remember what you have said and take action.
  • The look says it all; you do not need to say I love you all the time.
  • You are in a busy public place they will notice your mood change from a distance and ask if you’re ok, them knowing something is up

I AM STILL LEARNING WHAT THIS CONNECTION IS AND HOW LIFE IS MEANT TO BE. SOUL SEARCHING IS FOUND WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING AND ACCEPT WHAT WILL BE WILL BE.

April 20, 2019
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Pandora Boyle

Behind my past closed door lived a broken little girl but now I have learned how to get back up and live love and share my powerful world.

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Behind my past closed door lived a broken little girl but now I have learned how to get back up and live love and share my powerful world.

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