Pandora's Diary – Secrets of Pandora's Box
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      April 26, 2020

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      Go with the flow

      November 24, 2019

Pandora's Diary – Secrets of Pandora's Box
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
  • DIARY
    • Diary

      Sorry to all the hearts I have broken

      September 25, 2020

      Diary

      Self Reflection

      June 20, 2020

      Diary

      Raw Desire

      March 8, 2020

      Diary

      Magic Potion in a Bath with Rose Peddles

      May 8, 2019

      Diary

      Today is about the unknown

      May 2, 2019

  • FEELINGS
    • Feelings

      Are you feeling alone?

      October 10, 2020

      Feelings

      Facing your vagina

      April 26, 2020

      Feelings

      Saying Goodbye

      March 24, 2020

      Feelings

      My frequency of pleasure

      February 8, 2020

      Feelings

      Go with the flow

      November 24, 2019

Category:

General

single mum
General

Reset Mindset

by pandora December 28, 2020
written by pandora

Everyone has a story. whether we choose to sit in it or create a new one

whether we decide to sit in the past or move forwards into the future

my story goes as a single mum, the feeling of doing it alone

being a single mum is one of the most challenging choices I have made.

My life, as I saw it, was perfect. I had a stable roof over my head, and I thought I had a nice regular husband and a steady job—an ideal environment to bring up your child, you would think.

That’s why I was waiting so long to have my boy. I wanted everything to be perfect

as my childhood was just not that nice.

So at 40, I had my boy. Before I realized my marriage was falling apart, I was in a state of depression and shut down, feeling nothing and just going along with life, as you do.

So I had my boy thinking everything would be Rossey and be even better. After four years of trying to make it work in my eyes and not seeing the real picture. The controlling, verbal abuse. Yes, I had my horses before my boy, that was my outlet, but when my boy came along, he was my priority as you do as a mother.

When I became a mother, this was my life. My husband was a shift worker, and he would work all night most of the time and need to sleep during the day, which is fine when it was just me. I would work all day then. It was hard to keep a baby quiet from 8 am till 4 pm. so I would go out for the day and entertain him for this time. As it happened, more and more, I was not copying. I was getting no sleep during the night, as my boy woke three times a night.

When I would put my boy down at 8 pm, I would think should I go to bed now or enjoy some me-time. If I went to bed, I couldn’t sleep, and if I stayed up, I would get less sleep as he would wake two hours after I fell asleep. To this day, I don’t know how I lasted for 6years of not sleep. How did I function? I guess you just hit the autopilot.

These days I had to stay out of the house while my husband slept where hard. I lived in a cold climate, and it was freezing. Trying to find friends to visit, taking him to those kids’ play centers were hard. I do the grocery shopping on the way home to unpack them so I could make some noise, as he was awake then.

My boy was not easy from day one, not sleeping, always hungry as my milk dried up, and breastfeeding and expressing the milk as it was not coming out. he threw tantrums till he made himself sick. He got expelled from a childcare center. When I would pick him up, I got told how bad he was and what therapy he needs. And to top it all off, I got verbal abuse, and I was not good enough. I don’t clean the house, I can’t cook, and made sit there while my husband expressed his opinion, and I had to agree to it. He was always right, and it was everyone else’s fault.

Yes, everyone has a story, and I have moved forwards and forgiven and removed blockages that have stopped me from living a peaceful life.

I made a big choice to leave this toxic relationship and do it alone.

And yes, it felt like I was alone.

For many years and sometimes even today, I would fall apart and feel alone as a single mum. I have been doing the self -work, which we all say we are doing. But to do this alone was hard too. I made some choices to study to be a coach, I found theta healing, and I got coached.

We all get stuck trying to make it alone. I do recommend finding someone you connect with and ask for help.

Asking for help is challenging in its self.

Stop feeling alone,

stop doing it alone, and make a change. The chance to reset the mindset.

Since moving out on my own with my boy when he was four years old, I have had many challenges. Yes, in the beginning, I was running on ego and making some wrong decisions.

I have also broken some men’s hearts and lived a bit on the way. When you don’t know how and what a relationship is, it is hard to find what you want because you don’t know yourself.

Now I am living a great life of peace, and my boy is growing with me.

Since 2014 we have moved five times moved states, and my boy has been diagnosed with ADHA, an autism spectrum, on medication, and now I am coaching women who are on the journey I used to live.

I help women feel that connection and strength and stop feeling alone and shut down. I am living proof of the best journey I can ever ask be in

Join me to make a shift you want to look back because you’re not going that way.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/463969397898609

December 28, 2020
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change your life
General

Are you running or making a change in your life?

by pandora November 14, 2020
written by pandora

The best fantastic thing that could happen to me is the stops of my cycles that coursed so much pain.

This pain was so intense I thought this is what life was to be. I would become happy, and my child’s thoughts of something incredible happened to me would be taken away from me. My knowledge of happiness was sad, and to other people, this is not what happiness means to them.

I could not understand why no one got what was so real to me and yet so crazy to others. It took me a lot to know what happiness means and how to find who I was and learn how life works.


The day I became the same dancer thing, I would block out all feelings to treat it as business and make the big bucks. When the other girls let their emotions get in the way, I was healthy and blocked it out and hear another cycle just around the corner.

I thought falling in love meant feeling numb.

That how I treated it as that’s how I knew it. It was partly my subconscious. Wow, what a great combination was running away when I was happy and shutting down to cope with love.

Not a healthy way to live.


Know all this and do the work. I now look at my relationship from different eyes. I ask myself when something pops up, is this my shit or not. I ask myself questions where it comes from, and I also explain to my partner what is going around in my head. Not in an attacking way but just a general conversation, and this works.

Take pride in your won shit, get help, and make it work. Running aguing is not the answer.

We all have a story to tell of our history, share care, and love life.


so my question to you is before you go

Are you running or making a change in your life?

connect https://www.facebook.com/groups/948959232252153

November 14, 2020
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parenting
General

Reach out coronavirus

by pandora May 2, 2020
written by pandora

PLEASE REACH OUT

When you see a friend acting not as they usually do, reach out and help them find there way back home. I have a dear friend and I am seeing actions that are out of the ordinary and not the responsible person I use to see.

This coronavirus has bought out a lot of different feelings we have hidden or run from for a long time. Now its time to face them and deal with them in the right way not to fight and flight. We must stop, pause and take a look at our selves threw our own eyes. As parents, we are role models for our kids, like it or not. we all do the best we can. So take a look at your self just for a minute and say is this how I want my child to be when he grows up. its never to late to make some different choices.

Now some words for my friend as I know they will read this and digest it. where do I start.

I am seeing that God is giving you a few chances latterly. We may have got some money but that won’t last unless we think smart. Please start looking for a job and go back to see your mum, who knows you may need her one day or just miss her one day. I had better words in my head but now it is coming out like advice. I don’t want to tell you what to do I need you to realise your action have outcomes. making choices in our own responsibility.

You have your whole life ahead of you now is the time to do it. Take a look at who you are associating with to how you are acting. finding people you look up to and have things you want to achieve in life. we are who we hang out with is the saying, i think

Points to think about,

NOT JUSTY FOR MY FRIEND BUT FOR ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME

Drinking is not the answer

Showing off is not the answer

Not seeing your mum is not the answer

Not taking responsibly is not the answer

Think about your child they need to have a structure to grow. So bed early on weekdays when school, holding your temper back, less drinking helps to clear your head, being responsible with your possessions. You need those to survive for work and getting around with your child. Sorry reality is hard and I am still learning, I am not perfect.

This may seem harsh but I just sore a clip-on fb the child hung himself because he broke another controller and was probably scared to tell his parents and a lot of other things, isolation of coronavirus. Our children don’t always tell us whats going on in their heads. So to show them we are one to look up to and to come to us if there is any problem is so crucial. Sorry that one just hit my heart and that one was probably for me. To have a look at some things I can do differently too.

So god is looing after you but he cannot make the decisions for you. You have the biggest heart put it where it is needed.

some special words

So take a look at your life, Do you really want to fight, Or is it just a fright

I know your heart is mighty big, But you just need to dig, Not a whole but a life

You are the best thing for your child, The children will go wild, If we don’t do it right

Unfold and take control, Lets be strong and live fun and long

You are amazing, So take the chains and throw them away, You can play after responsibility

So create a future and live, Love, and teach our young ones to live.

May 2, 2020
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intimacy
FeelingsGeneral

Facing your vagina

by pandora April 26, 2020
written by pandora

Do you feel comfortable with looking at your vagina?

I am a woman just like you and yes I use to feel uncomfortable looking at my vagina but she is your best friend. If you want to feel intimacy and sexual you need to get it to touch with what makes you feel excited, the vagina has many sensations and every woman is different. We hold blocks and fears which stops us from loving our vaginas. You all have a story and I love this because you have a choice to make you feel excited and loved and amazing. “your choice.”

How you ask?

Let’s just say if you don’t know what feels good how is your partner meant to know. Well, I guess he will try all sorts of things but if you don’t guide him he may just lose interest, not because he doesn’t love making you feel good but because you are, (not meaning too)giving him a sense of worthlessness. You see men are very simple they like to please there lady and make them feel good because then you will want to return the favour as you both connect in a special loving way.

Getting in touch with you.

some simple exercises are looking into the mirror at your vagina, then exploring feel, felt, touch and finding sensations you like, so you can share and enjoy together.

Sex is fun if we just get out of our heads and not be so busy that we cannot fit each other’s needs of pleasure in. we are at a time where time is on our side and should take advantage of this and start to explore each other, like when we first met. We need to explore our own bodies and find out what works for you and then we can share this with our partners. That’s why we are here yes PLEASURE NoT PAIN.

mirror feel felt touch work

April 26, 2020
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intimacy
General

What does Intimacy say to you?

by pandora April 14, 2020
written by pandora

To me it is a connection sexually and mentally

Something I have been looking for my whole life, understanding myself has been my first understanding of how intimacy should feel. We all ache for this feeling of being loved and wanted and some of us never find it or think they have but live in a lie with themselves. We cannot be intimate if we don’t understand our own feelings of intimacy. I have come from a family of no hugs and no connection, no communication and no affection. It was a violent and alcoholic environment, everything you felt was hidden in you and was not allowed out. To find out even how the women body works were not even heard of. Then I became a woman of expression all my sexual and erotic expressions came too life, yes I became an erotic dancer in clubs and pubs, expressing what I had depressed. this gave me the freedom not only to express myself but to live a life of buying things I wanted when I wanted, freedom. It was fun for a while but then I came to realise yes I might have been expressing my self on stage but when it came to having a relationship it was real and I blocked it all out in the bedroom with my partner. I shut down my emotions as I did not know how to feel erotic and intimate in the bedroom. this is where I was shy and found it hard to feel emotions.

life can work in crazy ways

Then I met my husband and yes over time I became numb and not knowing who I was. 20 years of crazy numb and how do I like my eggs? that is just one question I ask myself when I was finding who am I?

once I went out on my own that is when I became alive and started to find and feel what my body wants and express it again this is where it all begun. intimacy is now what I feel grow and excite myself with.

Dance movement breath and listening to what feels good letting my partner know as well so we can connect explore together. This time we have on our hands from the COVID-19, is a blessing and yes it is hard not to get court up in what everyone is posting and be totally confused. but to be able to sit beside your partner and just talk about whatever and be able to share something together is what we all need to get back to. These are moments to treasure. My experience yesterday was one of those. We both sat out on his balcony with a beautiful slight breeze having a cuppa tea and guess what we were both sewings together. the good old fashion way by hand, stitch by stitch just talking, we are so blessed for these times. Please make sure you capture and share with each other the most important part is telling your partner that you really enjoyed that moment and put a smile on there face. These are the moment that just floats into more moments that become part of our intimacy, because when we start to appreciate each other we have that different look in our eye towards each other and that how magic sex all starts. When we have this look in our eye you don’t need to say I LOVE YOU, your eyes say it all. You are now starting to share a connection of intimacy.

I have played with my body and nurtured and felt my pleasures. doing this I can explore with my partner with confidence sexual expression is my calling and I will help you find your feminine connection so you can explore intimacy in every way dreamt of in your dreams desirer and wild fantasy. we need to feel free to express our self in a sexual way and feel safe and comfortable with our partners to explore intimacy.

Let’s do this together

join me on a journey we all need to take

You don’t have to have a reason to feel good—you’re alive; you can feel good for no reason at all!– Tony Robbins

I am loving me and loving who you could be too.

April 14, 2020
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Behind my past closed door lived a broken little girl but now I have learned how to get back up and live love and share my powerful world.

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