Everyone has a story. whether we choose to sit in it or create a new one
whether we decide to sit in the past or move forwards into the future
my story goes as a single mum, the feeling of doing it alone
being a single mum is one of the most challenging choices I have made.
My life, as I saw it, was perfect. I had a stable roof over my head, and I thought I had a nice regular husband and a steady job—an ideal environment to bring up your child, you would think.
That’s why I was waiting so long to have my boy. I wanted everything to be perfect
as my childhood was just not that nice.
So at 40, I had my boy. Before I realized my marriage was falling apart, I was in a state of depression and shut down, feeling nothing and just going along with life, as you do.
So I had my boy thinking everything would be Rossey and be even better. After four years of trying to make it work in my eyes and not seeing the real picture. The controlling, verbal abuse. Yes, I had my horses before my boy, that was my outlet, but when my boy came along, he was my priority as you do as a mother.
When I became a mother, this was my life. My husband was a shift worker, and he would work all night most of the time and need to sleep during the day, which is fine when it was just me. I would work all day then. It was hard to keep a baby quiet from 8 am till 4 pm. so I would go out for the day and entertain him for this time. As it happened, more and more, I was not copying. I was getting no sleep during the night, as my boy woke three times a night.
When I would put my boy down at 8 pm, I would think should I go to bed now or enjoy some me-time. If I went to bed, I couldn’t sleep, and if I stayed up, I would get less sleep as he would wake two hours after I fell asleep. To this day, I don’t know how I lasted for 6years of not sleep. How did I function? I guess you just hit the autopilot.
These days I had to stay out of the house while my husband slept where hard. I lived in a cold climate, and it was freezing. Trying to find friends to visit, taking him to those kids’ play centers were hard. I do the grocery shopping on the way home to unpack them so I could make some noise, as he was awake then.
My boy was not easy from day one, not sleeping, always hungry as my milk dried up, and breastfeeding and expressing the milk as it was not coming out. he threw tantrums till he made himself sick. He got expelled from a childcare center. When I would pick him up, I got told how bad he was and what therapy he needs. And to top it all off, I got verbal abuse, and I was not good enough. I don’t clean the house, I can’t cook, and made sit there while my husband expressed his opinion, and I had to agree to it. He was always right, and it was everyone else’s fault.
Yes, everyone has a story, and I have moved forwards and forgiven and removed blockages that have stopped me from living a peaceful life.
I made a big choice to leave this toxic relationship and do it alone.
And yes, it felt like I was alone.
For many years and sometimes even today, I would fall apart and feel alone as a single mum. I have been doing the self -work, which we all say we are doing. But to do this alone was hard too. I made some choices to study to be a coach, I found theta healing, and I got coached.
We all get stuck trying to make it alone. I do recommend finding someone you connect with and ask for help.
Asking for help is challenging in its self.
Stop feeling alone,
stop doing it alone, and make a change. The chance to reset the mindset.
Since moving out on my own with my boy when he was four years old, I have had many challenges. Yes, in the beginning, I was running on ego and making some wrong decisions.
I have also broken some men’s hearts and lived a bit on the way. When you don’t know how and what a relationship is, it is hard to find what you want because you don’t know yourself.
Now I am living a great life of peace, and my boy is growing with me.
Since 2014 we have moved five times moved states, and my boy has been diagnosed with ADHA, an autism spectrum, on medication, and now I am coaching women who are on the journey I used to live.
I help women feel that connection and strength and stop feeling alone and shut down. I am living proof of the best journey I can ever ask be in
