The last few days have been a battle for me, old patterns of thinking, those cycles of disbelief and of not feeling worthy. I use to be happy, well maybe I thought I was but now its hard to find that word happy and live it. Life gives us struggles to see how we work out our mistakes and learn, but hey this is too long I am sick of trying to learn, I just want to be happy again. I am clinging to things to run and hide with, I just want to be busy again and feel like I have a successful life. I need to let go of all those material worries and look at who is beside me. The other day I sat down on the couch I become so numb and frozen my hands started to tremble, I sat for 30 min thinking what is wrong with me. I do not think this is how it is meant to be.