The Past Abuse

by pandora

Wow, where to begin. As I am trying to think of which bad experience to right about, my neck starts to tighten and my throat feels like someone is choking me, my mouth is filling with saliva not knowing what to say, so I am going to start with what came up when I was self coaching myself the other day.

I use to get called dumb and stupid a lot, this was when I was around 12 years old (well I remember it always happening) by my step brother and then I married into that, how does that work? the fears and disbeliefs we go through as a child we carry that into our adult hood, unless we learn to stand up and believe in our selves,  we will still keep attracting it.

I use to fear for my foster mums safety all the time. My foster parents use to drink a lot and dad use to get violent throw things at mums head putting hole in the wall. There was this one time it got so ugly and he got so crazy he grabbed a riffle and was pointing it at our heads, mum fearing for us told us to get in the car, as I stared out of the car window at dad waving the riffle to mums head, hearing lots of yelling and loud words my body my trembling with fear and crying quietly not wanting to upset dad any more. the words all rolled into one not really hearing them just scared of them. We drove off and parked in front of the police station for safety,  we slept in the car cuddling up to each other to keep warm watching the windows fogging up with our breath, hoping dad would not come after us. After about 2am in the morning we drove home snuck inside while dad was past out on his bed, we climbed quietly into our own beds, falling asleep until we had to get up the next morning and get ready for school. Sitting outside under that tree with my mum was most nights while waiting for dad to fall asleep. I was always tired at school but could not tell anyone why.

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