It is late and I am trying to dig deep and find feelings that I block so well. It has been an emotional day and a slow week. I want to feel happy but am too tired to put that mask on and smile. Life is shit sometimes and is going so slow. I am putting in the home work setting things up but still my future seems to keep getting further and further away from me. I think, I cannot complain which is not me , I am a person that hides and does not show my struggles.
I spoke to my closest friend the other day and without her realising what she done, she laughs at my miss fortune and makes me feel even more, like am I ever going to get on top of it, get ahead in life. I was a very successful business women now I am a struggling single mum. This brings back pain of being poor, the feeling of poor to me is scared sadness and alone, my upbringing. I am sad and alone and have no more to say. I am dead.